MZ's Philosophy

She waited for 2 days

2008-04-29T17:46:00.007+08:00

1st May 1984, she was delivered to this world.

I wasn't around for her...yet.

and she waited for me...

3rd May 1984, we both breathed under the same sky thereafter.

We started sharing our days, months...years.

but I still missed that 2 days...

Here then I offer her my two lives.

Revival or Struggle?

2008-01-16T20:48:00.001+08:00

It has been some time for me not updating this blog. Remember my first entry - "Opening"?

if ever you have read it...or you may wanna take a read if you have not. Quite obvious my ambitious thought has faded away; I rather see it being silly now. Or may be to the extreme, a hypokrit I am. Well, it might looks even sillier that I'm now calling myself a hypokrit. But I wonder... whether there's someone reading this entry?

Highly unlikely......

So who really cares if I myself don't. Well, if there's nobody but only me reading this, why do I bother asking people (if any) to read my first entry in the first place? Self-Contradicting indeed.

Haaa....I've just "defamed" myself again.

Assume that someone has been reading my blog since all this while, he or she may think that I'm asking too much of questions. A meloncholic child. emmmm....Whether you agree or not? but as least I have put up my hand, knoded my head.....AGAIN!!! I must have hated myself.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't worry, I've just just screamed out the negative energy within me. Hope I'll feel much better later on...well, I hope. I don't really get to shout or scream whenever or where ever I like, not to mention to any person I felt doing so. My life is very much tied up with rules. I'm kind a traditionalist. Sometimes I do do things which is out of my own free will to please everybody, but not my parents.....and my siblings...which is quite sad to say that (well it should be"quite sad to write that".

Well, not to say (write) any further. This entry seems more like my primary school "describe yourself" essay, guess you'll know what kind of person I'm now.

Hmmmmm.........Why I still sound like as if there's anyone reading this? Just shut up.

Cold War

2007-07-12T06:00:00.001+08:00

(14323 words)
It's just scarry...you would not have agreed further if you were to have experienced this before.

Drunk

2007-07-12T05:20:00.000+08:00

Middle of the night, hours more to dawn, surprisingly, I was still awake, only bottles of beers kept me in companion…and still, I was being able to post this entry.

I was drunk…at least I believe I was.

True enough, where an alcoholic will never ever, or maybe conditionally, self-proclaim as being drunk after a dozen of cans.

But I believe I was really drunk in this blue moon.

Drunk enough to be deceived, or rather betrayed, by my own sight - seeing my own reflection in the mirror - where the attractive face of mine, the arrogant look I used to keep and the very narcissist me, all seemed to have gone down to the drain. All were blurred to the contorted facial which disgusts me – this happened since I was left in the state of drunkenness.

The ability of good time management has long ago retarded. I seemed to have a difficulty meeting up my task, to finish up my work on time, and to eat according to my meal hours (well, this I would normally fail, discard this), finally in commencing on my assignments of my law studies.

Sigh…not so great right? It’s a bit messy right now, pretty much off from my master plan.

The passer by(s) perceived me in different ways from one to another. Some might be green in envy whilst some might have despised me. Some were friendly, some were aggressive. And previously, I don’t really give a damn to them, simply because I enjoyed being drunk. I enjoyed seeing stars which were not so promising. I enjoyed singing to the deep drain which echoed to respond to my talent.

Why? ... because I was drunk …. simple as that.

But…human being human…with limited truism. I couldn’t survive any longer when the last say or critic arose which seemed to leave a weight on me. I finally erupted, who then behaved in rebellious manner, who then subsequently being punished for misbehaving. And lastly I was locked in a very cold cell where you won't get any response from the desired.

*Sigh*

I was a little bit upset tonight. Very much depress indeed. Pressure that creep from the tease and critic. Encroached my temper till I whiter further to little. The pretty face abandoned me whilst the beautiful mind ignored me and life wouldn’t have gotten any worse than that. I looked down to myself.

We had a quarrel. The relationship has been temporarily frozen. All was due to the minute I tried to be conscious and coincidently lost my temper in doing so.That's the reason why I was left all alone at the midnight. I took the last sip of the beer left in the bottle. It’s not doing any good on me- literary, to intoxicate me more than ever I was intoxicated in the relationship.

By the way... for your knowledge, I’m never an alcoholic but rather "Te-queirosholic" or whatever you could have thought of.

I was only drunk in a relationship.

Question 5

2007-06-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

Q: What do you want if you have just won the jackpot?

Ahaha...i guess i'll share with those who read my blog.

(haha...what a typical attention seeker I am...a lil too desparate)

How bout u?

Blown by the Wind

2007-05-28T19:41:00.001+08:00

Smashingly...she reaches me
Kissing my cheeks, de-moisturising my lips, & I
Just couldn't help telling her more, how much I adore

Quietly...she then leaves me
The mirth and tease , moments that I ever miss, & I
Just couldn't have agreed more, I can never hold the wind of fall

Runing Out of Heartbeats

2007-05-02T11:29:00.000+08:00

Messy feelings conquered me.

I then lost my head.

Amour & Psyche

2007-04-14T23:23:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could pause the time...

just to hold my world inches closer... seconds longer

Where is the Love?

2007-04-11T12:15:00.000+08:00

Feel my heartbeats, feel my love.

They don't lie.

A Stop

2007-04-02T13:00:00.000+08:00

My summer's days turn gloomy
A mountain to climb in my journey
Don't worry...be happy...
Life'll resume till I meet Juney

Love that Dimmed in the Blue Moon

2007-03-30T22:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes,
when love chilled,
it turns a little bitter
after the sweetest feels.

Being stuck in the riddle,
love sometimes pause a little.
Till you finally shed a little,
and your heart's broken into little.

Sweet heart,
Stay still,
remain chill.
A short break to be dealed.
For both to regenerate lost feels.
To love He who love you still.

Bless you.

dedicated to Te_quiero

My Bowl is Still Empty...

2007-03-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

Dear Mr. Leroy Comrie, Councilman of the City Council of New York,

Greeting. I write from the other part of the world. I thank you for sponsoring the resolution to ban the use of the N-word. Although I don't really know how much the N-word has wounded our race who's living in the United State of America. But I sincerely thank you again for withholding our very least pride. Dear sir, I know you are a very good soul to our people. I hope you will lead the good citizens of New York to share us some food too. Millions of us are suffering hunger. The last bread I had was 3 days ago, but it took my little brother's life yesterday, my father barely buried him next to my mother. Children here are dying everyday. Please help us.

Sincerely,
Nangila from Niger

Fight Poverty in Africa

~shield our pride...share us rice~

Question 4

2007-02-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

Q : How's my life will end up to be ?

Unpredictable...may be I should start asking how I want it to be.

Stop the War

2007-02-05T20:37:00.000+08:00

The world touched me today... &
I know I will touch the world one day.

The networking of survival. Please spread the love...
"Say NO to war"

" I hope...that mankind will at length, as they call themselves responsible creatures, have the reason and sense enough to settle their differences without cutting throut..." -Benjamin Franklin

There are accumulating voices against the war. These voices will then be transformed to powers and strong wills to stop the war crimes that go against humanity.

A hero or zero?

My Monday "Blue"

2007-01-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

Once, I used to have the annoying Monday Blue like everyone does in the working classs. But since I've tendered my resignation letter...my Monday Blue has been lighten into this sky blue.

...

Being different than the others and like being different than others, I enjoy every Monday. No one will fight for the desktop with me, not even the TV, whilst the shopping mall will never be crowded like the weekends, and I will always get to purchase my movie ticket from any cinema in town. As long as I don't meet the jams, my Monday is perfect.

...

But for most, I prefer to sit back and relax, on my armchair, with my icy cola and lengthy law texts which will soon put me into sleep. And, this blueish sky will always be part of the picture. I'm glad to have my peaceful monday...and of coz, my lazy saturday as well. Haa...

Liar liar

2007-01-26T21:58:00.000+08:00

Did I say that before???
Ohh, it must be a lie then...

People always create another lie(s) to cover the previous lie.
Why can't we just tell them we lied...
and why we lied in the first place?

一路顺风

2007-01-23T21:24:00.000+08:00

点点回忆，回忆点点。
成享喜怒哀乐悲欢，
共赏甜酸苦辣鲜咸，
其真诚友谊将永记于心房。

丝丝雨夜，怀念思思。
别了红颜送了知己，
天下无不散之宴席，
遗留了美好也带走了祝福。

Goodbye...

Stand Tall, Kuala Lumpurian

2007-01-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

(amended)
I walk alongside the muddy bank of Gombak rivers.

A walk that costed me 22 monkey ears...Oh please, don't ask y.
I walk along, with a cape on, that painted in 14 glorious stripes.

And here I share some stories of mine...

There was this day of odd,
Crows on trees roared like tiger in woods,
Fluffy lambs growled as taught,
And aside there stood,
The boy who cried wolf.
and I know, without a mask, I rarely move.

I continued, with a mask, and later I met...
A glum tom cat was crying over a dead rat,
Poor 0ld buddy were found dead,
But who else to suspect if not the cat?
Life's indeed full of traps and threats.
And I decided, to walk with no fellow, ahead.

I continued, as a lone druid, and later I met...
A clown, painted face and faked laughter,
Hilariously, blowing his huge trumpet,
Rythem-less, a pathetic life of disasters.
But guess what, blowing one's trumpet,
A play, with talent, I master.

Thanks to the neighbour...

Relatively, the road turns hazey,
The air's now dead and smelly,
Slowly, my steps turn heavy.
Finally, I've beaten by reality.

With mask on, my sights become narrowed,
With mask off, I still live till tomorrow.
But without a fellow, I'm never a hero,
Yet without a fellow, my trumpet is a zero.

Oh gosh... what am I doing?
I just want to be a bull that moo
Not any scarecrow that "boo"
Oh well... life still has to get going.
But before that, I need some changing
and I mean it now, anyhow...
No more disgusting smile or hatred bow
Off I throw now the untruthful mask
Reconnecting my lost pasts that last
Definitely, honesty is a must at start

Well...

Though the crows still caw,
and yet the lambs growl,
I stand tall.

Though old Tom hiding claws,
yet pathetic clown blowing in ego,
I must walk tall.

I still believe...
We will still glow
A holy rain will showers us all.

The eye is now on Malaysia

Cintai Kuala Lumpur

Question 3

2007-01-01T20:51:00.000+08:00

Q: What is my new year resolution?

Yeah...I know. "To score more goals". I've made up my mind to keep it real and easy.

HAppy New Year...

Question 2

2007-01-01T20:23:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year

Q: What is my last year resoltion(s)?
emm...i can't remember loo. Not to scratch my head for last last years' resolutions. I think they must have included "not to be absent minded". Anyway, doesn't matter, I can always bring them forward to this new year.

*Brilliant and well done to those who have achieved their previous year resolution. I sincerely salute you.*

Narcissism

2006-12-30T20:59:00.000+08:00

The best word of my 2006's vocabulary is...

Narcissism
-noun[c] an extreme interest in your own life and problems that prevents you from caring other people a. an extreme interest in your appearence - narcissistic/ adj: a narcissistic personality disorder - narcissist noun [c] Sentence : Narcissism is pathological and i think i've developed such narcissistic personality disorder.

This is me...snapping a pic of my own by using the web cam.

May Kuan taught me that this is known as "camwhore" (some blogging term or IT term). Some people-mostly the younger generations like to capture their own images by using digital camera or phone or any other available gadget. Select the best and delete the bads.

Some says it's an act of self-loving but i think it's narcissistic.

"Camwhore"- a hobby or an addiction? What do u think?

Lonesome

2006-12-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

Second by second...
Beat by beat...
Wasting more seconds,
Counting more beats.

The room is cleaned. I did it all by myself; not any helping hand from my mum. Ahaaa...well, nothing to be proud of actually...Yep...nothing much to be proud of... grinned.

Mum and dad went to work. Siblings are also not around. While the pets are all having their afternoon nap. Yet my phone is still "deadly" lying on the desk(Checked. It's on. The L.E.D is still flikering)...bored.

Papers had been flipped from page to page twice...and the computer was frequently powered on and off. Browsed all my favourite pages. The messenger list was only filled with some "stranger" users (haha...I do speak to stranger sometimes). No new blog from the familiar and of coz...no blogger's or anonymous's comments for the last post-well...nothing can be commented actually. No new testimonial, no new friend's request, neither new message nor e-mail; and no new uploaded comic page from fzdm.com. ... ... ... sigh ... ... ...

I did approach some dates and buddies' activities most of the nights, in these last few weeks of the end of year 2006. Birthday parties, movies, dinners, little gatherings, a lot of mamak sessions and futsal nights. Oftenly, I've been checking up the old pals and meeting the new girls in this December. A lot of chats ... a lot of laughters...but everything still back to nil when blogging this. I still have the lonesome feel.

I'm suppose to concentrate on studies this and the coming year. To at least get to my CLP year. But I'm totally out of mood now...lost of motivation. I dunno...issit time for a relationship?. I doubt...*deeper thought* Naaaa...Not anymore commitment. Really not within my budget this year.

I have no idea what can I achieve in 2007. A lot of times have been wasted in 2006. And I'm now lost in the maze of my life, looking for my cheese.

.........Lost.........

Naaa...don't worry. Not to be paranoid to myself. It's just me being lazy. A little lonely. Just for the moment.

Ohhh...about the seconds and beats... I was trying to adjust my heartbeats to go parallel to the rhythem as the clock "TIK". Stupid isn't it? Now, can you feel my boredom and loneliness? grinned.

Another lazy Saturday.

Chill. Tomorrow is always a better day.

Forgiveness

2006-12-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

Before year 2006 being counted out,
I've learned to forgive myself...

I've forgiven my greed
I've forgiven my laziness
and I forgave the stubborn me

Then I learn to forgive the others...

I forgive those who cheated me (if there is)
I forgive those who injured me during futsal matches
and I forgive the good souls who have apologised

Lastly, I ask for forgiveness ...

Dear beloved reader(s), my sincere apology to you.
Please forgive the lazy me for not updating my blog regularly,
and thank you for not giving up this snail blog.

p/s: Wow!!! I feel so great to forgive a person... especially myself.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

Question 1

2006-12-02T02:12:00.000+08:00

When I was sitting under a tree, I asked myself..

Q: What is my speciality???

Dear friends, what's yours???

*Congratulation to you, if you think that you have one or more.*

Summer's Rain

2006-11-27T11:48:00.000+08:00

A green leaf has been snatched from its twig by a gentle breeze...

It catches the current like a paratrooper, and then lands on my forehead after a few surfs in the air. The summer's sunlight shines through the canopy of the old oak, gently touches my cheeks. While the land lord of the old oak enthusiastically climbs down from the trunk to greet me; hugging his long brown tail, and squeaking me welcome politely. As usual, part of the trade, the deal is to treat him with some berries from the market in consideration of a peaceful noon under the shade...well, I recalled the first time he attacked me with pine cones after I had invaded his teritory without any berries.

Like most of my lazy saturdays during summer, I enjoy laying comfortably on the grassy matress under the oak tree, which rooted over a slope in my Eden. It's a beautiful potrait, where wide greenish grassfield attachs to the clear bluish sky that once in a while decorated with couples of whitish clouds. This is my wonderland. This is my home, Emzeeshire, a countryside which is hundred miles away from the city. Yeah, the big city, Elmunzairo, the capital of Ivanish Cost-a great "forest" that made of concretes and steels. An urban myth that I dreamt to live in.

But today...

Unlike most of other sunny Saturdays, I notice a cumulonimbus cloud storming from the east, forecasting a torrential rain. Ahhh yes... you must be wondering why am I so keen to move from a dreamland to another. I myself also continuously questioning my soul and thought. May be out of curiosity? I doubt. Because I've been there once before...

******************************************************

...Four years back, when I was still 9. I was brought to the big city by my stepfather to attend a wedding of his friend-Uncle Ronny. On my journey, everything, everyone, every scene amused me at almost every moment. The tiny me was surrounded by gigantic buildings, on and off drowned in the rushing crowd. We climbed up those skyscrapers which were many times taller than the old oak I used to climb; but it only took us seconds to reach to the roofstop after pressing the highest number-66 button which i couldn't reach at all in the lift. At the top, I was like inches away from GOD. The next moment when I almost finished my prayers, a huge metal bird glided over my head and astonished me with its loud whirring sound; and my prayers could only ended with the word "awesome".

People who live in the city are filthy rich. They all live in big house, drive a big car, dine in luxurious restaurant, exactly what's uncle Ronny did. They get to eat turkey while it's still months away to Thanksgiving or Christmas. They could just carry bags of goodies out of the mall by only swiping a gold card. Meanwhile, most of the ladies in wedding wore the shiniest ever jewelleries while my mum can only get to wear her fake pearl neckles onces there's any celebration in Emzeeshire. The life in the city is so much different from the one I'm experiencing here. With ambicious in mind, I told myself... if there's any golden opportunity to strike on my head, I will grap it tight to become another rich and famous here...definitely...

******************************************************

I sweep off the leaf. But more are falling onto me when the wind turned wild. The little creature, after squeaking me farewell sincerely, he then quickly climed up to the trunk, back to his sweet home after he had taken his rental. He seems to have noticed the on coming storm as well. As predicted, within minutes, the dark grey cloud has encroached half of the blue sky, putting half of the land in shade, and the sunlight can no longer reaches my cheek. Sigh, it seems to have known that I have just received an offer letter from Kemayen, one of the high school in Elmunzairo, and I'll be leaving Emzeeshire the next dawn. The reason for being in such a rush, I was informed to settle down there before the new intake starts during the automn. Well...knowing that I'm going to leave soon, the nature here chooses to hug me in a different way . Trying to hold me for a second thought. To ask me to stay for another while. Hoping me to carry as much as possible along during my miss.

Early in the morning, my mum packed my bagpack with my favourite cheese biscuits and nagged me to well behave in school. I know she love me so much but it still took me a hard time to tell her that I love her too. I guess that was the first time I was enjoying her nag since, I awared that it's going to take some times to listen to the next one. Before my leave, I have also bidden farewell to most of my buddies from childhood. During the morning tea session, my best buddy, David asked a favour from me, he wish that I could obtain an autograph of Jessica Elba for him if ever, I have the chance to meet the superstar. I promised him. We then hug one another goodbye.

...

After a thunder... Emzeeshire bursts into tears... and so do I. There's alot of things between us. A lot of wonderful moments shared together here. A lot and a lot more that's so precious...

The rain turns heavy, but I insist to stay for a little longer. I appreciate every seconds laying here. I want to take as much as possible from Emzeeshire to my new home. Especially this very special...Summer's rain.

Dedicated to Te_quiero.

Moot's stress

2006-11-24T01:46:00.000+08:00

Rooky: Can someone teach me how to fly?

One more try...

2006-11-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

Today,

I was hit by a haunting critic...

The one that I was hiding from all these years.

Of sure, I knew it will strangle me one day.

But yet, armoured to any ambush designated for the day.

Cunningly, it has chosen today the day, to put me in great fear...

Triumphal, assassinated my pride in the chilly morning.

Disasterous, me tangled throughout the gloomy evening.

I felt so helpless to it.

My brain went dead for minutes.

Experienced suffocation at next.

I thought I had collapsed...

Suprisingly, miracles do happen now and then...

My determined heart dragged along courage & so.

In riot, protesting for the freedom of my will & soul.

A huge insubordination cried out revolution to battle the foe.

Now, I've repicked my motivation...to retain my lost confidence.

Then, a slight change in my stratergies.

And again, I aim for my victory.

The One

2006-11-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

Name : Yap May Kuan
D.O.B : 10th Oct 1984 (A librian indeed)
Nick : Foxy( dun ever try to have any eyes contact with her for more than 10 secs)
Compliment : The Beautiful MSN Queen

I would like to thank Ms. Yap May Kuan for being my first reader...without her, my blog page wouldn't have gone so far(though there's only 4 blogs).

Disclaimer : This post will be held on my blog for 100 days, as my appreciation toward her kind attention on my blog.

Thank You.

I don't have ONE

2006-11-10T23:59:00.000+08:00

Today...I blog; just for the sake of blogging.
I have no title...I have no idea...and I have no audience.
The auditorium is empty. Deserving no applause of pity.
Ironicaly, only a pianist indulging his masterpiece. Pathetically.

I tried to blog on any restaurant in town that i've ever visited...to share the delicacies with others. But I've failed. Why? coz there's aint any "delicious" moments that i could recall at the moment or...maybe they just don't exist in the first place. Except, along with my shadow, crunching the crispy, spicy &....(well, you know better) KFC's chicken yesterday.

I tried to blog on any Holiday Paradise...barely, to share the cozy sunshine and crystal clear sea water, where school of tropical fishes surrounding me, giving me warm welcome. But my dream will just goes on and physically stucked in a dry lecture hall listening to monotoneous speeches and the noisy old air-cond being the white background noice.

Well, i guess...
I can only share a splendid piece with...nobody(i forgot...i have noone here but only me). Anyway, it's abook with a story on "Tuesday with Morrie"...
I wonder, maybe I'm the last one who read it...

Oh gosh...my laziness started to encounter. Like how it used to defeat my determine on completing assignments. Now my Blog is his next prey. Well...

For the moment, musics kept in play...hoping one to stay.
Though...and still
Only echoes in empty hall...and the pianist who almost fall.

Bow...

In Memories of Lim Siew Ying

2006-10-28T15:59:00.000+08:00

" Eyyy...Isn't that looks like a hamburger?
Uuh...ohh...That one looks like a ...a...Yeah, a fish!
well...ermmm...this one looks like...ermmm...ermmm...I dunno what it is...."

But the hamburger, fish and dunno what it is disappeared immediately after a gust of wind surfing through the living room and swept them out of shape. There goes...

Puff by puff of white smoke were again sneaking out through the slit between the nearly closed, pale painted door and the wooden door frame. They habitually escaped from my granma's room especially during nightfall.

I was only four, and my childhoods curiosity always make me want to see and wanted to see so much. Used to be a mischievous one, I tried to imitate the Pink Panther from the TV by lightening my footsteps, lifting my heels, and only counting on my ten little toes to support my weight. Then, closer and closer I approached to the back of the door to cover up my skinny-bamboo like body. I chuckled. I was being proud of myself. My secret mission nearly accomplished. I then took a deep breath, slowly I peeped into the room through the slit. The light was off, and there's only gleam from my eyes in the dark. My eyeballs had a quick scan on the dark room for familiar images. While scanning through, my vision suddenly caught another gleamer. Spontaneously my curiosity encroached my awareness on the intended "undercover job", and automatically I pushed the door to half-closed just to allow the fluorescent from the living room to help me see better.

The gleamer was actually the burning of one end of a paper white soft stick-which i was being told that it was a cigarette much later; and of course, i was well reminded on the risk taking it.

" Ah Ma!!! What are you doing?"

Ah Ma, my grandmother.

I was taught to call her in this way since the moment i know her.

She noticed my appearence, and then she clamly extinguished the cigarette on the ashtray. After that, She turned to me and as usual put on her warming heart smile. I seemed to have disturbed her smoking break after her dinner, but she neither scolded me nor chased me out of her room. She always looks so kind and loving to me. Although she's very thin and probably would have gone through seven decades of hard times, but she was very healthy and not even with her back hunched as others who usually have had by her age.

I walked toward her. She then carried me to her laps and embraced me, together with a few pats on my head. Although there was still a strong cigarette smell remaining on her cloth but guess what, that was actually how my granma smelled like, the smell that i was familiar with. I was kind of loving it-mainly because i love her so much... i think.

After one or two coughes, she then started to tell me one of her favourite old chinese myths. I couln't remember which one she had told me, that was like eighteen years ago. My memories toward my granma started to fade away like tearing off the pages of calender as days goes by. Now, there's only some left over in my rusty mind. And I remember...

Before we shifted into the low cost apartment in Sentul, my granma babysat me at the squat near Selayang when my parents were not around. I had no idea where they had gone to but ...i had my granma. I had my granma when i was hungry. I had my granma to bring me to the hot spring when i get dirty. She spoonfed me with white rice and soy source during lunch. It's so delicious. She had also get me a new friend-Mr. Froggy at the hot spring, its so called teritory.

Then i started my primary school life, there was once my teacher "doodled" on my test paper which later discovered by my dad on a thunder storm night. Horribly, he turned monstrous, and in furious, wacked me with his evil staff...Ouch (Haha, it was just my dad hitting me with cane actually). I was screaming with every muscles of mine for help-"~~HELP~~". Zaaappp!!!...there stood a dark figure in front of me with bright lights from behind. Woo hoo!!! It was she...The Speedlight Jenny the Granny had come into rescue (how did i get into such a"marvellous" mode?...well anyway...). Once again the Granny had saved the day and restored the world in peace (It was just my granma defending me again).

Oh...there was this time...

When i was seven during that summer, my vision started to blurr. My dad brought me to one of the optical centre in town for check-up. Yeap, the doctor told me that i need a glasses from then on. Since having a "beautiful" record on my carelessness, my dad got me a big, old-fashioned, dark brown spectacles. It was sooooooo ugly. But being a child i was like..."wow, so cool, i wear spectacles". By the time i get back to home, everyone was stunningly staring at me, within split of the second, everyone cracked up horribly at me. Especially my granma, she was like bursting out laughter till her body bent 90 degrees. Though i knew everyone was treating me as the laughing stock, but i was really happy to see my granma to laugh in such a way that I'd never seen before.

And...there was this time....

I saw my granma lying breathlessly on the bed after being in vegetative state for a year to two.
All the relatives were having their tears spilt on the bed. Some was reading the prayers. Again, being a child, i was too shocked to come to the situation rather than shading my tears like the others. But i clearly knew that someone who had loved me so much before passed away. I could no longer take her pamper from granted. I could no longer listen to any old chinese myths from her. I could no longer... ... ...

Now, i can only feel my granma every "Ching Ming", sitting next to the cold tombstone at dawn. It was blistering cold in the morning during the last visit. Most of us (my family) were shivering. But somehow i did feel warmness in a way. Well, it could have been the sun shine that warmed me up, or it might just be the memories that had warmed my heart. Whatever it is, i started to like Ching Ming.

"Ah Ma...i miss you so much...I hope you are doing well in the heaven"

From left : 2nd bro, Granma & me

"Blog-age" in my mind...

2006-10-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

Who am i?
Why am i here?
Seeking attention?
How to attract attention then?
Blow one's trumpet? Blog? Sing? Dance? Debate? etc?
Why choose to blog?
Better medium for attraction? Faster chemical reaction(attention secured)?

Millions are doing the same?

Millions out there blog for the reason(s) they blog?

Is this one of the characters of the Multimedia Information Technology age?

A culture?
What can be done in a blog?
To share or to boast?

To record or to discuss?

To comment or to criticise?

To express or to impress?

How am i suppose to know that i've catched others' attention at the end of the day?

Comments from others?
Scoldings from others?
Compliments from others?

Continue blogging?

Hmmm......Anyway, who really cares??! Listen to the heart...

Oh! by the way, Who are you? What are you doing here...

Opening

2006-10-20T16:06:00.000+08:00

My confession

In my philosophical litreture...
Words may seemingly harrasted; and
Rhymes may found brutally abused; yet
Grammar being killed in massacre...

Please bear with me...juz be
Try to be empathy...coz me
Being desperate, I'm craving for attention,
Being narcissistic, I'm living in delusion.
Believing it not? my methodologhy of self-seeking.
Believing it not? my pathologhy of self-loving.

My Style

In nurturing my philosophycal litreture...
I have...a mindset of a socialist
I have...heartbeats of a emotivist
You might see me...
Planting compliment on a personality
Breeding frustration toward society
Yet,I will have my...
Pages of biography, painting my mirage personality
Paragraphs of story, that's illusory coupling imaginary
my so called "philosophy"

My welcome

With opened arm,

To the audience i bow
To the commentators i awe
Welcome to my "opera"
Welcome not, dear Pandora
I'm no tyrant of my teritory
Words from you are desirably
Along with respect and dignity
Show some morality
Live life peacefully
My philosophy
Finally.